I really think that Craig and I have been doing quite well managing our emotions through this almost three year process. We have moments of happiness, joy, sadness and longing, peace, questioning, anger and even fear at times but through all of it; we have held onto a strong sense of trust in the Lord and His plan for our family. He knows what the perfect timing is, and we will continue to rest in that.
Over the last few weeks, there have been three events that have made our emotions swing from pure joy to sad longing. On January 20th, Craig had surgery on his left wrist after a mountain biking injury last June tore some cartilage and ligaments and broke the tip off his ulna. He has been having some struggles with sleeping the last few weeks, so we have been a bit on the over-tired side which often leads to heightened emotions. We are thankful that some areas of the wrist were able to be repaired. Yet, it is hard to think that this injury might be part of the reason that the Lord did not feel that this was the proper time for the twins to be home.
In addition to the emotions about his injury, we have been dealing with the emotions of watching other families move forward in their adoptions and three families bringing their children home. It is hard to describe the feeling that fills the heart with the news that a child has been united to their forever family. It is not jealousy...it is not envy. It is LONGING. I don't wish that I could have their place or timing. I don't feel anger or resentment. I just feel longing, pure and simple longing. I just want to hop the next plane and head to the orphanage to hold them and take them home.
We were blessed to be at the airport to watch a Sioux Falls family bring their adopted son from Haiti home for the first time. It was amazing to watch the joy on their faces...the joy on their children's faces. There was no envy, no jealousy...just LONGING.
One of the families that we met on our first trip to the orphanage took us under their wing a bit as we visited the embassy and learned the ropes at the hotel. They were able to bring their two sons home after a four year battle to finish their adoption. Nope, not jealous, not envious....still only LONGING.
Tomorrow, yet another family from our orphanage will be bringing home their daughter. I am so happy for them and the future that will begin for their family when the sun rises tomorrow. My heart soars for them, but it is also filled with LONGING.
Last Tuesday we were filled with a longing of a different sort as a team of people from our church packed their supplies and backpacks and headed to the airport to embark on a mission trip with Mission Haiti. They literally passed about two miles from our boys' orphanage. We have been asked several times if they were going to be able to go and see our boys, but we have no idea if they were able to fit that in or not. I can't tell you how much Craig and I wanted to pack our bags, put on our Haiti gear and head out on mission. Many tears have visited my eyes as I have thought about this. Do I wish that I could take their place? Not at all. I am over the moon excited for the Lord's working in the team members' lives and am certain that a love for Haiti will be placed in their hearts as well. I am just LONGING. Longing for the twins and longing for the country. I love the boys, and I love Haiti. I suppose that this is why it is so hard.
On Friday, February 7th, we were notified that it was likely that Eli's Birth Certificate would be able to be picked up the following week. We were filled with joy! This is the final document we need to be able to submit him to the US Embassy (USCIS) to request a Visa to bring him home. We began our "patient" waiting.
On Thursday, February 13th, we attended a concert that proved to be exactly what we needed at the time. We had purchased tickets for our entire family to attend a Toby Mac, Mandisa, Brandon Heath, Matthew West and Matt Maher concert as a Christmas gift. We were literally in the front row and center. We could not have had a better view and the concert was amazing!!!! There were many moments during the concert that spoke directly to my heart but the most profound one was when Mandisa performed her song "Overcomer." There are just not words to express the emotion attached to the song, and it spoke so beautifully to this LONGING mama's heart.
OVERCOMER by Mandisa
Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope
Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you
You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer
Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Oh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants you to know
The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of you
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing He can't do
He's telling you
I thought about this song and the lyrics multiple times through the next day. God is amazing and He, the God of the Universe, has a plan for us. I trust in that completely! We just need to hold tight and fix our eyes on Him. He will orchestrate everything. It was 5:30 pm on Friday, February 14th, when I realized that we had not yet heard from our agency. Part of me wanted to be heartbroken, but I think that meditating on the words of this song throughout the day helped me to take a deep breath and focus on the fact that this LONGING I feel is LOVE, and that we are going to be OVERCOMERS in this process! Love will win. It always does because He has this all figured out, and we will continue to hold onto His promises!
LONGING for overcoming,