Tuesday, March 11, 2014

There Are Not Enough Words...

What a difference a day makes... www.facebook.com/RebeccaSkalskyDeWit That was yesterday.

This is today. There are not enough words to fully describe what we are feeling right now.  Honestly I would like to curl up into a little ball and just turn the world off for the rest of the day...but I thought that maybe venting some of these emotions would help me to cope better and might encourage some seriously needed prayer.

The adoption took a terrible turn today. We received an email from USCIS (United States Department of Citizenship and Immigration Services)  at noon indicating that there are further issues with our paperwork. The US government's email expressed some serious frustration with the way that our orphanage director "repaired" our documents. I am sure that I don't fully understand all of the details but it looks like instead of changing the documents by amending them, we need completely NEW documents. We still have many questions. We do not know if this is just for Eli's paperwork or for both boys, and we have no idea what the timeline will look like to accomplish this, but it looks like it could be months.

My heart fell as soon as I read through the document, and I called Craig immediately. He was angry...and rightfully so. I am upset, but my emotions seem to be showing themselves through tears currently. The ups and downs of this process have really thrown me for a loop this time, and I am feeling so discouraged. I HATE that Satan and his minions are all over this adoption. I am so angry that when families choose to adopt, that he pushes every button to make the process a terrible trial.

I am weary of having people tell me that this is a part of God's plan. I don't want to offend anyone that might have said that to me...but you know what...NONE of this is a part of God's plan. God's plan was for there NOT to be sin in the world, and we screwed it up...a long time ago. Now we live in a broken world, with broken families, broken government, broken processes and broken hearts. If this were God's plan, then the boys would be with their birth mom and dad and would have all of their needs met. Instead their country is in shambles, their birth mom passed away, their birth dad couldn't provide for them and they live in an orphanage in conditions that would not be acceptable in the US for our homeless. They have adoptive parents that would love to hold them, love them and provide for them...but greed and errors have made that impossible.

I have no doubt that God will bring beauty from these ashes. I know that He is grieving with us, and that He longs for the boys to be home with us too. I really think that this is what people mean when they say it is a part of God's plan...but somehow that doesn't mend the broken heart that so many adoptive parents experience and it certainly doesn't sooth the soul.

So for now, I am praying for clarity. We are waiting to hear back from our adoption agency to see what their plan is to address this situation. They called with apologies, but we are looking for action. Sarah at our agency has been wonderful, and we are hoping that she will help to solve this situation. We need timelines, plans and solutions. We are so DONE with waiting, and patience, then continuing errors. We need clarity with what direction to move, how to find accountability and how to get answers. We are also beginning to discuss whether we need to find a Haitian lawyer to create some more accountability...but this too is a frightening venture. Lastly, we are trying to determine when we should go and see the boys.

We have put off traveling to see the boys for a whole year!!! Imagine missing a year of your child's life. A YEAR! Enough said.

Needing prayer,

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